Quotes Saison 2

201-The Bad Fish Paradigm   

Leonard: You could be Batman?
Sheldon: Yeah. I'm Batman See?
-
Leonard: What secret?
Sheldon: Mother Smokes in the car, Jesus is fine with it but don't tell Dad...SSHHH!...
-
Howard: How's the air matress?
Sheldon: It's ok, if you don't mind sleeping on a bouncy castle.
-
Leonard: What happened to him?
Howard: He wouldn't sleep so I gave him a glass of warm milk with a handfull of my mother's Valium in it. TAG YOU'RE IT!
-
Sheldon: And you thought the opposite of stupid loser was a Community College Graduate?
-
Sheldon: I drank milk that tasted funny.
-
Wolowitz: Qu'est-ce que 'sup?
-
Sheldon: I'm Batman.
-
Wolowitz: Leonard, how was your date?
Leonard: Bite me!
-
Sheldon: When I try to deceive I have more nervous ticks than a lime disease research facility.
(Penny stares at Sheldon)
Sheldon: It's a joke, it relies on a homonymic relationship between the tick the blood sucking arachnid, and tick the involuntary muscular contraction. I made it up myself.
-
Penny: So, do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating, Leonard would get bored with me?
Sheldon: That depends.
Penny: On what?
Sheldon: Do you have a working knowledge on Quantum Physics?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you speak Klingon?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you know any card tricks?
-
Sheldon: Why don't you just take your clothes down to the river and beat them with a rock.
-
Leonard: How could you just sit there and let them spy on me!?
Sheldon: They were very smart! They used my complete lack of interest in what you are doing.
-
Penny: Sheldon, could I ask you a question?
Sheldon: I would prefer that you not, but I wouldn't go so far as to forbid it.
-
Sheldon: I promised Penny.
Leonard: Promised Penny what?
Sheldon: I wouldn't tell you the secret. (pause) Shhhhh!!!!
Leonard: What secret? Tell me the secret.
Sheldon: Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell dad.
Leonard: Not that secret, the other secret.
Sheldon: I'M BATMAN!!!! SHHHH!!!
-
Sheldon: When I try to decieve, I myself have more ticks then a lyme-disease research facility.

                       
202-The Codpiece Topology

Sheldon: You know, it's amazing how many super villains have advanced degrees.
Penny sighs and rolls her eyes.
Sheldon: Graduate schools should do a better job of screening those people out.
-
Sheldon: Oh Mario ... if only I could control everyone the way I control you ... HOP! YOU LITTLE PLUMBER! HOP! HOP! HOP!
-
Sheldon: Bring out the Red Bull, it%u2019s time to rock Mario old school!
-
(Sheldon snorts)
Leonard: Sheldon. Don't make that noise, it's disrespectful.
Sheldon: I should hope so. It was a snort of derision.
-
Penny: Well why don't you go to the movies then?
Sheldon: Because who would be there to perform the Heimlich maneuver if I choke on my popcorn?
Penny: So, don't buy popcorn.
Sheldon: No popcorn at the mo - listen to yourself!

                           
203-The Barbarian Sublimation   

Sheldon (to Wolowitz): You'd hit particulate soil on a colloidal suspension.
Sheldon: (elaborates after seeing Howard's confusion) Mud.
-
Sheldon: DANGER! DANGER!
-
Wolowitz: It is I, Sir Howard of Wolowitz.
-
Sheldon: I'm surprised you struck out with Penny, apparently she's a big 'ol five.
-
Raj: What's with him? *Pointing at Sheldon sleeping*.
Leonard: Penny is keeping him up at night.
Howard: Me too! But probably in a different way.
-
Dr. Gablehauser: What colorful nickname did you call Dr. Cooper this time?
Leslie: Dr. Dumbass.
-
Leslie: Hello men. Sheldon.
-
Dr.Gablehauser: Need to get that, Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: God, no.
Leslie: Don't turn it off, you might miss the Nobel Prize Committee saying that you won "Dumbass Scientist of the Year."
               
       
204-The Griffin Equivalency   

Leonard: We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman!
-
Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad. 
Howard: He can feel sadness? 
Leonard: Not really. It's what you and I would call condescension.
-
Sheldon: I'm not insane, my mother had me tested!
-
(Sheldon smiles in a grotesque way).
Howard: Oh...... crap that's terrifying.
-
Sheldon: You know, this situation with Koothrappali brings to mind a story from my childhood.
Howard: Oh, goody, more tales from the Panhandle.
Sheldon: That's Northwest Texas. I'm from East Texas, the Gulf region. Home to many Vietnamese shrimpers.
Leonard: Do the shrimpers feature in your story?
Sheldon: No. Anyway, when I was eight, a Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat, Lucky.
Howard: Lucky?
Sheldon: Yes, Lucky.
Leonard: He's irony-impaired. Just move on.
Howard: Ok, dead cat named Lucky. Continue.
-
Raj: Welcome to the Raj Majal.
-
Raj: Boy, I bet Ellen Page's friends aren't giving her this kind of crap!
-
Sheldon: Hey! Look I found my missing nutrino!
Howard: Oh, great! We can take it off the milk carton!
-
Raj: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Dr. Koothrapali.
Leonard: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Dr. Hofstadter.
Sheldon: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Dr. Cooper.
Howard: Dr. Gablehouser.
Dr. Gablehouser: Mr. Wolowitz
-
Sheldon: In Papa New Guinea, there's a tribe when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village, they kill him and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense, of course, but one can see their point.
-
Sheldon: A truck ran over our cat Lucky.

                       
205-The Euclid Alternative   

Sheldon: Studies are shown that performing tasks such as eating, talking on a cell phone or drinking coffee while driving reduces ones reaction time by the same factors as ounce of alcohol.
-
Sheldon:I was otherwise engaged.
Penny: Doing what?
Sheldon: I was examining perturbutive amplitudes in N=4 supersymeteric theories leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of multiloop N=8 supergravity using modern twistor theory.
-
Sheldon: Leonard, have you ever wondered why my little toes and lateral incisors are significantly smaller than the average for someone of my size?
Leonard: I wonder a lot of things about you, Sheldon, but not that.
-
Sheldon: I'm clearly too evolved for driving.
               
       
206-The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem   

Penny: Holy crap on a cracker!
-
Ramona: You are so witty!
Sheldon: Aren't I?

                       
207-The Panty Piñata Polarization

Raj: Hold on a second. Kreplach??
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: That isn't Klingon. It's yiddish for meat-filled dumpling!
Howard: Well, as it turns out it's also a Klingon word.
Leonard: Really? Define it.
Howard: Kreplach a hearty Klingon.....dumpling.
-
Sheldon: Is my hamburger medium-well?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Dill slices not sweet?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Individual relish packets?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Onion rings?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Extra-breading?
Leonard: I asked.
Sheldon: What did they say?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Did you protest?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Vociferously?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then what took you so long?
-
Leonard: (Discussing Sheldon). Yeah, yeah, ah, see here's the thing, after you leave, I still have to live with him.
-
Wolowitz (watching America's Next Top Model): Oh, look! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... what a coincidence... is the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
-
Wolowitz: If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I'm "creepy".
-
Penny: You didn't know? You have three strikes. Strike 1- You came in, Strike 2- You sat down and Strike 3- I don't like your attitude.
-
Sheldon: No Shirt, No Shoes, No Sheldon.
-
Penny: Another night? I guess your could try... but deep inside your heart you'll know that laundry night is always Saturday night.
Sheldon: Woman, you're playing with forces beyond your ken
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.
-
Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well, your ken can kiss my barbie.
-
Sheldon: *On cinoyter screen* Greetings, hamburger toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggybacking upon our WiFi. If you want to remedy the situation you can contact the phone company, set up your own WiFi and pay for it, or you may apologize to me.
Penny: Well?
Leonard: I reiterate, knuckle under.
Penny: No, no, no, no, no. It is on. I am gonna introduce your friend to a world of hurt.
Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don%u2019t want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a supervillain.
-
Leonard: Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy's one lab accident away from being a super villain.
-
Sheldon: And then you put it back, compromising the rest of the onion rings.
Penny: Aw honey, the buses don't go where you live do they?
-
Sheldon: When you understand the laws of physics, Penny, anything is possible. And may I add, "Mwah, ha, ha."

                           
208-The Lizard-Spock Expansion   

Sheldon: I'm sorry but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV Series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.
-
Sheldon: I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.
-
Sheldon: Rock - Paper - Scissors - Lizard - Spock
-
Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?
Rajesh: Yeah, Star Trek 5 worse than 1.
Sheldon: Ok, first of all that is a comparison of quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnatude worse than Star Trek 5.
Rajesh: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is messured!
-
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
-
Sheldon: How is Deep Space 9 better than Saturn 3?
Raj: Simple subtraction will tell you it's six better
-
Rajesh: Oh,snap.
Sheldon: Snap what?
-
Howard: Mars rover, Mars rover can Howard come over?
-
Stephanie: So, how was your day?
Leonard: Y'know, I'm a physicist - I thought about stuff.
Stephanie: That's it?
Leonard: I wrote some of it down.

                       
209-The White Asparagus Triangulation

Sheldon: (asking Penny not to think of Leonard as a sexual partner) I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you ...
Sheldon: Whatever works.
-
Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard? *knock knock knock* Leonard?
Leonard: *opens door* What Sheldon! What Sheldon! What Sheldon!
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here. (Holding his laptop.)
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
-
Sheldon: If I'm permitted to speak again, Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win!


210-The Vartabedian Conundrum   

Stephanie: *Looking in Sheldon's ear with an otoscope* I don't see anything at all Sheldon.
Sheldon: Ahh, Well you're the doctor but I am constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard: Me too.
Sheldon: Is it a high frequency whistle?
Leonard: No its more of a relentess narcassistic drone.
-
Leonard: No absolutely not!
Sheldon: It's not a big deal.We have latex gloves. 
Leonard: I don't care what the symptoms are, my girlfriend is not going to give you a prostate exam.
-
Leonard: Don't you think if a woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?
Penny: Oh sweetie you'd be the last to know about it
-
Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask questions like that!
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now you FINALLY have an answer.
-
Sheldon's computer: We are out of herbal tea. Do you have any?
Penny: Hold on, I'll go check.
Sheldon's computer: Some hiney would be nice. (Sheldon realizes his mistake right away)
Penny (offended): Hiney?
(Sheldon retypes)
Sheldon's computer: Honey.
-
Stephanie: Where did you get the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff?
Sheldon: My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on.
                       

211-The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!
-
Wolowitz: He doesn't do anything for me. If I were going to go that way, I'm more of a Zac Efron kind of guy.
Raj: Oh yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Efron.
-
Sheldon: You bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing? I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. Ah, it's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. Oh, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life...
-
Sheldon: If I would give you this gift basket, based on that action alone and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exist between us.
Store clerk: Excuse me?
Sheldon: Here. *Giving the gift basket*
Now, are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Store clerk: I don't understand what you're talking about and you're making me a little uncomfortable
Howard: See? Sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it.

                           
212-The Killer Robot Instability

Sheldon: Is it wrong to say I love our killer robot?
Rajesh: As with my father I both love and fear it.
-
Howard: Behold the Mobile Omni-Directional Neutralization and Termination Eraticator! Or...
Leonard, Sheldon,Howard, Rajesh: (Said reverently) Mon-te...
-
Sheldon: This is an auspicious moment, like Robert Oppenhiemer or Neil Armstrong, we need the appropriate words to mark this historic scientific event.
Rajesh: How about, die toaster, die!
Leonard: That'll do it!
-
Rajesh: Die, Toaster, Die!
-
Kripke: We awe all pathetic and cweepy, that's why we fight wobots.
-
Wolowitz: The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.
-
Wolowitz: As delicious as the appetizer may be, sooner or later we will have to succumb and eat the entrée while it’s still…*licks finger and makes a sizzling sound*…hot.

                           
213-The Friendship Algorithm   

Sheldon: (after Leonard whistles two notes) FIRST WARNING!
-
Sheldon: A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.
-
Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent approaching an asymptote don't you understand?
-
Sheldon: That's awfully sticky.
-
Sheldon: Your robot is inferior and it will be defeated by ours because ours exceeds yours in both design and execution. Also, I'm given to understand that your mother is overweight.
Raj: Oh, snap.
Sheldon: Now of course if that is a result of a glandular condition and not sloth and gluttony, I withdraw that comment.
Raj: What difference does it make, fat is fat!
Sheldon: There are boundaries!
-
Wolowitz: *After he fixed Sheldon's algorithm* Gee, why can't Sheldon get a friend?
-
Penny: What about Howard and Raj? How did he become friends with them?
Leonard: I dunno. How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.
Penny: Sure - when you put it like that.
                       

214-The Financial Permeability   

Kurt: Where's your back up?
Leonard: I don't need back up, I have right on my side...and I'm wearing cargo shorts under my pants.
-
Howard: Maybe we should have your head notarized.
-
Leonard: OK, is everyone clear on the plan?
Howard: Yes, Koothrappali's going to wet himself, I'm gonna throw up, Sheldon's gonna run away and you're going to die.
-
Sheldon: There once was a brave lad named Leonard
With a fi fi fiddle dee dee
He faced a fearsome giant
While Raj just wanted to pee
-
Penny: What are you saying? That I'm using my body to get dinner? That I'm some sort of Chinese food prostitute?

                       
215-The Maternal Capacitance   

Sheldon: Yes, it's definitely a colonoscopy.
Leonard: My mother's coming for a visit.
Howard: Hey, what do you know. You were right.
-
Leonard: You shush! I'm happy. I want to talk about it!
-
Mrs. Hofstadter: If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.
-
Mrs. Hofstadter: It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.
*Pause*
Howard: Say what?
-
Leonard: That was fast.
Beverly: Oh, the middle stall was occupied. I'll have to try again later.
Sheldon: That's totally understandable. In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it's location, location, location.
           
           
216-The Cushion Saturation   

*Wolowitz checks his Caller ID*.
Wolowitz: Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight. (answers) Hey, baby...
Penny: His right hand is calling him?
-
*Discussing Paintball Strategy*
Raj: We need a plan. How about Operation Hammer of the Gods?
Leonard: I forget, which one is Hammer of the Gods?
Raj: We hide behind the Dumpsters in the parking lot and ambush people when they come to pee.
-
*Wolowitz and Leslie in bed post-coitus*
Leslie: Boy, your heart's racing. I must've really gotten you going.
Wolowitz: Well, it's partly you, partly my transient idiopathic arrhythmia.
Leslie: Sexy.
-
Penny: Ok, ok, how about this. We tell him somebody broke in?
Leonard: Just to shoot the couch with the paint ball gun?
Penny: I'm sorry, I'll buy it. All those people are on drugs.
Leonard: We can tell him they wanted the couch to stay away from their boyfriend.
-
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the problem is NOT solved. If your HEAD had been accidentally amputated and we transplanted a dog's head in its place, would that be problem solved?
Leonard: If it were your head it would be.

                       
217-The Terminator Decoupling

Sheldon: She calls me moon-pie because I'm nummy-nummy and she could eat me up!
-
Penny: Whassup Moonpie?
-
Penny: Hey Leonard, what's up with Dr Wackadoodle?
-
Well, it seems once again you're caught between a rock and a crazy place.
-
Penny: (On the phone) We're putting the play on for one night in this little 99-seat theater. Can you come?
Oh great! Do you know 98 other people that might want to come?

                           
218-The Work song Nanocluster   

Sheldon: You are effectively paying yourself five dollars and nineteen cents a day.
Penny: A day?
Sheldon: There are children working in sneaker factories in Indonesia who out-earn you.
-
Penny: How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?
Wolowitz: We add Bluetooth.
-
Sheldon: Penny, I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
-
Wolowitz: Oh, stop it with the fake third world crap. Your father is a gynecologist and you had a house full of servants.
Raj: We only had four servants, and two of them were children.
-
Sheldon: I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.
-
Sheldon: Everything is better with Bluetooth.
-
Penny: Since when do we offer one day rush?
Leonard: Amazon offers one day rush.
Penny: Yeah, but they don't have to glue the books together!
                       

219-The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition

Wolowitz: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number.
-
Sheldon: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says 'kitchen'.
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write 'cocaine' on the box?
-
Sheldon: Listen to that! 'Stomp, stomp, stomp.' It's Wolowitz and his stacked heels that fool no one.
-
Wolowitz: According to Alicia's Facebook page, she's hooking up with one of the producers on CSI.
Penny: Dead whore on TV, live one in real life.
-
Leonard: The box says "kitchen."
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write "cocaine" on the box?
-
*Penny enter the house without knocking*
Penny: Hello there.
Sheldon: Who is it? Hello, Penny. It's open, come in..... Sarcasm.
-
Sheldon: Please. We're facing a far more serious problem than stray arachnids.
Leonard: It's not so bad.
Sheldon: Not bad? It's horrible. You hear stories about this things, but you never think it'll happen to you.
Leonard:So they steamed your dumplings. Get over it.
-
Penny: They aren't like other guys. They're Special
Alicia: Okay, they're special and..?
Penny: Well let's see how can I explain this. Um. They don't know how to use their shields.
Alicia: Shields?
Penny: Yeah, You know like in Star Trek and you're in battle, and you raise the shields.
*Realizing what she said* Where the hell did that come from?
           
               
220-The Hofstadter Isotope   

Stewart (comic book guy): Calling a tomato a vegetable is a little wrong, calling it a suspension bridge is very wrong.
-
Wolowitz: I am a horny engineer, I never joke about math or sex.
-
Howard [to Leonard]: Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?
Sheldon: The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L?
[pause]
Howard: Yeah, that one.
-
Penny: Um, you know it's kinda early. Do you wanna maybe come in for some coffee or something?
Stuart: Oh gee, its a little late for coffee isn't it?
Penny: Aw, you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.
-
Raj: Come on! You know I can't talk to women unless I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Diwali!
               
       
221-The Vegas Renormalization   

Sheldon: What exactly does that expression mean, 'friends with benefits?' Does he provide her with health insurance?
-
Sheldon: You know, I'm given to understand that there's an entire city in Nevada devoted specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems such as alcoholism, gambling addiction and sexually transmitted diseases.
-
Wolowitz: Raj, there's no place for truth on the Internet.
-
Leonard: What were you doing at Penny's?
Sheldon: Well, we had dinner, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that I now have a much better understanding of 'friends with benefits.'
-
Raj: What do you say Howard?
Howard: I say Vegas baby!
Raj: What are you gonna tell your mother?
Howard: Sea World baby!
-
Sheldon: You know I'm in such a good mood I'm actually finding your tenuous grasp of the English language folksy and charming today.
-
Raj: Disneyland can suck it. This is the real happiest place on Earth.
-
Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Penny: Maybe that's because your hole is still open.
-
Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here.
Penny: Oh, you're welcome sweetie.
Sheldon: Okay, I'm sleepy now get out.
-
Sheldon: There was a tall man from Cornwall
Whose length exceeded his bed.
"My body fits on it
But barely upon it
There's no room for my big Cornish head!"
-
Raj: She is exactly Howard's type. A hooker.
-
Hooker: What's your name?
Raj: Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali.
Hooker: Hello Rajesh Ram...Hello Rajesh.
-
Sheldon: We have a bowl. Our keys are in the bowl. You shoud get bowl
Penny: I just don't understand; how can beautyful mind of Sheldon Cooper forget his keys in the first place?
Sheldon: I left them in the bowl.
                   
   
222-The Classified Materials Turbulance

Sheldon: For what it's worth, my mother says that when we deceive for personal gain, we make Jesus cry.
-
Leonard: Here's an approximation of the spare parts available on the Space Station. We gotta find a way, using nothing but this, to reinforce this so the waste material avoids the spinning turbine.
Raj: You mean so it doesn't hit the fan?
-
Howard: Hey, you want to make sure [Stuart] gets nowhere with Penny without jeopardizing your friendship with either of them?
Leonard: I'm listening.
Howard: Just tell him to do everything you've done with her for the last two years.
-
Sheldon: Yeah, I have to say I thought the toilet humor would get less funny with repetition. Apparently there is no law of diminishing comedic returns with space poop.
-
Leonard: Thanks for close captioning my pain, Raj.
-
*Talking about the Wolowitz's zero gravity waste disposal system (space toilet)*
Howard: Okay make your little jokes, but out of the 4 of us, I'm the only one who's making real world contribution to science and technology.
Rajesh: He's right, this is an important achievement for 2 reasons. Number one ... and of course number two!
-
Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me. Spoiler alert.
Stuart: I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing.So, my mind is going into it pre-blown. And once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown.
Stuart: I'm sorry.
Sheldon: Said the Grinch to Christmas.


223-The Monopolar Expedition

Leonard: I don't think I can go to the North Pole.
Sheldon: OK, Leonard, I know you're concerned about disappointing me, but I want you to take comfort from the knowledge that my expectations of you are very low.
-
Sheldon: Leonard, you may be right. It appears that Penny secretly wants you in her life in a very intimate and carnal fashion.
Leonard: You really think so?
Sheldon: Of course not. Even in my sleep-deprived state, I've managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks. BAZINGA!
-
Raj: My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings!
-
Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
Howard: I could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.
-
Raj: Is [inviting us to the North Pole] just so we won't touch your stuff while you're away?
Sheldon: I'll admit that was a concern, but the fact is I'll need a support team, and the three of you are my first choice.
Howard: Really?
Sheldon: Well, there are others who might be more qualified, but the thought of interviewing them gave me a stomach ache.
-
Sheldon: Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00 and move my bowels at 8:20.
-
Leonard: Yes, how did we live before Twitter?
-
Howard: Easy. Instead of saying; 'No we don't wanna go on an NSF expedition,' say; 'No we don't wanna spend three months stuck in a cabin in the Arctic Circle with an anal nutbag!'
-
Sheldon: This is to train for a 3 months expedition to the magnetic North Pole.
Penny: What?!
Sheldon: I don't know how that sentence could possibly confuse you, [pause] but to elaborate, I'm going to the Arctic Circle with Leonard, Wolowitz and Koothrappali.

Source : TheBigBangTheory.com